We Did Everything “Wrong”

We did everything “wrong”.

It’s true. Lots of people have told us and we have been doing it all wrong from the beginning…

Growing up I always thought I would finish high school, graduate from college, get a great job, meet someone, have this big beautiful wedding, buy a house, and eventually have children. That’s how I thought everyone did it… I just thought that’s how it was done.

But that’s not how we did it…

Toby and I went on our first date when I was just 17. Long story short, he was a loser and I wasn’t interested.

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Flash-forward a couple of years and a bunch of bad decisions later and suddenly we are back in each other’s lives. We were head over heels for each other and after just a few shorts months, living together.

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That was our first “mistake”. Moving in with someone you just started dating? How crazy, right?

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Right. It was very crazy. We probably shouldn’t have moved into together so soon- we barely knew each other, but we quickly learned a lot about one another and I treasure that time as some of the best memories I have.

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Looking back, it’s hard to believe we had nights where we could stay up past midnight without hating ourselves for it the next day. That we could sleep in past seven, or that we could call out of work for being hungover and not think twice about it.

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There were times we had more beer in our fridge than groceries. Times of loud music with words I haven’t spoken in years, random people passing in and out of our house, and just being crazy kids.

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Another mistake I made was partying too much and being so wrapped up in life and this guy that I completely brushed off school.

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Then I got pregnant, and boy did that all change.

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There I go again, doing things I “shouldn’t”. Pregnant at 19? GASP!

But we were so happy to find out that we were going to be parents. I thought I loved Toby before, but I was so wrong… I had no idea the kind of love I would learn while growing with this man.

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Something about him just felt right and when we decided to get married, although I knew I would have to hear everyone’s opinion about it- I knew I wouldn’t have to listen and I knew it was going to be a good thing. And it was.

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It’s true. Toby and I had barely been dating and then suddenly, we were going to get married and have a baby.

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What were we thinking?

I will tell you.

We were NOT thinking about what everyone had to say- that was too difficult.
We were thinking about moving into a calmer scene.
We were thinking about if we wanted to have a big wedding, or go to the Court House. We chose the Court House and I don’t regret that one bit.

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We were thinking about our job situation and how we would adjust to the new addition to our life.
We were thinking about being as healthy as can be.
We were thinking about how blessed we were to have such a loving, supportive and excited family.

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We were thinking about this new life we suddenly had…

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We were thinking if this was going to work…

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But let me tell you something… it did.

All of those “mistakes” we made were not mistakes at all.

If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would.

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Sure we moved in with my parents for a year, and it was tough being a newly married couple sharing a house with your parent’s/in-laws. It was difficult raising a newborn while your rowdy teenage brother tried to live his life upstairs. But we eventually moved into a little, two bedroom apartment where we spent way longer than we would’ve liked for way too much money—but now here we are, just under 4 years of marriage and we have our first home.

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No, I haven’t made it back to school yet and don’t know if I will, but Toby and I both have jobs that provide more than enough for us.

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You see, people want to make up all the rules for how YOU should be living YOUR life. And it seems that people will always find something to say about EVERYTHING you do. It’s been a difficult lesson to learn, but I’m finally learning not to care and to live my life.

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I missed out on a lot of happy times because some people didn’t approve my marriage- and looking back, that’s so silly because how does my marriage affect them?

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Just because you choose to do things differently than someone may expect, doesn’t mean you did it the WRONG way, just a different way.

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But here I am, 23 and happily married with a beautiful, spunky three year old who can light up a room. Looking into those big, beautiful, blue eyes of hers and holding her amazing daddy’s hand makes me feel so secure in all of the choices I have made. Because that’s exactly what they were, choices- NOT mistakes.

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You shouldn’t feel ashamed of the choices you make if you’re doing what’s right by you and your family.

We all come from different backgrounds, and take different paths in life but when it comes down to it, we are all valuable people just trying to make it through life, and the opinions of others can truly hinder what we are trying to accomplish. I know this post was kind of all over the place, but my point is that your choices are your own and YOU have the power to make GREAT things happen out of any situation.

Don’t give up,
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4 thoughts on “We Did Everything “Wrong”

  1. Susan

    I did it all ‘wrong’ too. Similar story except I was older and wilder. Settled me down right quick. So in that sense it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was even told not to tell anyone I was pregnant. First time I really stood up to that family member and said NO! My baby wasn’t a mistake. And the marriage shortly thereafter wasn’t a mistake either evidently as we celebrate 22 years in December!

    Like

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